~ by Bill Ashlock (see recent picture from the day before surgery), a seasoned business executive, writer, want-to-be wood turner with a passion and calling to tend God’s trees, and a great friend of Faith House. His tools include innovation, excellence, and compassion with an unending view of community. Bill lives in California and is often found in the city he loves - New York.
The idea of stepping out of the high-powered business world during a period of massive financial uncertainty to undergo brain surgery was unthinkable. Yet a few weeks ago doctors, family, and God convinced me I had to do just that. Brain tumors, even when benign, are powerful reminders about what really matters in our upside-down world.
Looking back on the journey I have taken since last July is still overwhelming. Initially, I saw the numerous barriers as uniquely mine, regulated by physicians and lengthy periods of sleep and silence. My fears, uncertainties, and doubts overwhelmed my ability to see beyond the immediate.
As I now inch back into the world of business, it is hard to believe how much has changed in such a brief period of time. Banks, investment houses, and financial services are in a totally different place than they were before my surgery. Every financial fact I knew and depended on to guide me in my work has been challenged. I have to examine everything I knew with a fresh perspective to see what is true today. Whatever certainty I thought was with us appears to have disappeared. Nothing is certain. It is a daunting situation.
And I am not alone.
My business community in New York, like economists and business people globally, are being tested in a wholly unique way. Traditionalists are no longer sure if their traditions are to be trusted. Conservatives despair of the values being abandoned. Everyone, even progressive and liberals, are struggling to live with unending change. The future is chaotically fuzzy even to the most optimistic. The present is filled with unknowns, uncertainties, and forces outside of our control.
Where does this leave you and me? The answer is all too obvious. We are in the same place we were yesterday, a month ago, a year ago. We are living in the present moment; we cannot live in any other time. The only realty we can know for sure is what is right now.
This may not seem like much. However, it is as much as we have ever had. The wonder of today¹s chaos is that we have been forced to face how much we do not know. Yesterday we thought we knew much. It turns out we did not.
In my self-centric world, I blissfully forget that the rest of the world is walking on regardless of where I am in my recovery process. It is sadly funny. In far too many ways, I had learned to behave as if the world revolves around what is in my vision.
The reality is that we are in a boat together. Each of us knows someone who is struggling with difficulties greater than our own. Family and friends are struggling to survive day to day. Hope seems to be a slippery commodity. Support, often taken for granted, is tentative at best.
I find myself thankful for what I have, in awe of the moments in which I live, and in a place where I can help someone near me. Members of the family have reminded me that we are in a boat together. I can see God's light in the darkness.
The question for me is one of listening and responding--do I hear, am I helping? Am I making a difference in someone else¹s life? There are actions I can take. In times of such uncertainty, I can share hope. For pain, I can offer compassion and empathy. I have experienced compassion and love; I can share.
We all can.
Bill,
It was good to read your post and hear how you are processing these turbulent economic times: "living in the present moment... we are in a boat together.... listening and responding". I thought this was refreshing way of looking at the current situation. Thank you.
Vesna
Posted by: Vesna Selmanovic | Dec 09, 2008 at 10:15 PM